“No she’s not asking what you’re gonna tell your daughter /She’s asking what you’re gonna teach your son”/ Andrea Gibson "Blue Blanket"

Cross posting something I wrote on FB.

Dear parents

When you teach your daughter that "good girls" stay at home after 7 pm, you are teaching your son that women/girls who are out of their homes after that time are "bad", and that there are times of day and night that are exclusively male.

When you teach your daughter that "good girls dress appropriately", you are teaching your son that "bad girls" dress "inappropriately".

When you teach your daughter that she shouldn't be seen in (clubs, bars, on the road after dark, at a movie hall, in a restaurant with an unrelated male), you are teaching your son that there are places he shouldn't expect to see women; that there are places that are exclusively male.

When you teach your daughter that she should fear strange men, you are teaching your son that that its "normal" and "correct" if strange women look at him with fear.

When you teach your daughter to avoid confrontation as much as possible as a method of staying safe, you are teaching your son that the "normal" behaviour for women is to avoid confrontation no matter how severe the harassment or injustice they are facing.

When you teach your daughter that whether or not she is a victim of violence, is dependent on her behaviour, you are teaching your son that violence is a "normal" response to women who do not conform to these arbitrary standards.

When you teach your son how to fix your car, but teach your daughter how to make tea, you are teaching your son that there are certain kinds of jobs he can and SHOULD do, and teaching your daughter which jobs she can and MUST do. Frankly, both skills are necessary for both your children.

When you teach your daughter that the only men who will respect her are "brother/father/husband", you are teaching your son that the only women he needs to respect are "mother/sister/wife" and all other women will fall into the good/bad category (see above) and can be treated as such.


When you teach your daughter that despite the degree(s) that she has worked so hard to earn, she should be prepared to give it all up to marry and raise children, you are teaching your son that his hard work will always have more value than his sister's. Do you think it's a coincidence that across the board women are paid lesser than men for the same kind of work?

When you teach your daughter that "men will be men" with all that it implies, you are teaching your son that "men will be men" is a valid excuse for sexist, misogynist and ultimately inhuman behaviour.

So think carefully, and think hard, what are the "values" that you are imparting to your daughter, because those are the "values" that you will be imparting to your son.